It was so bad that some individuals were starving to death five or six times every month. Food was available in great quantities, but the trouble was that Carl the Cook had recently inherited $12,507 and left town to live a life of luxury in Council Bluffs, Iowa. Without a town cook, how could people possibly avoid starving?
Things were terrible, individuals would starve to death, then they would starve to death again and again. It wasn't too long before people began to get tired of starving to death
A petition was needed, yes it was. The citizens petitioned the Honorable Mayor Horace Lackabrain. Signed by all, the petitioned called for the mayor to hire a new town cook.
The mayor jumped into action, and promptly posted an ad in the Littlescum Gazette. Unfortunately the only people that read this periodical were Littlescumians, as the people of Littlescum were called
However, and fortunately for the folks in town, the dogcatcher also doubled as the official Littlescum Webmaster. Conferring with Mayor Lackabrain, they came up with an advertisement to post on the city's official website. With great expectations Webmaster/Dogcatcher Wilford T. Bowels inserted the following announcement on the very front page of the Littlescum Website.
City Employment Opportunity in Littlescum, Iowa. There is an immediate opening for a cook. This position is full time. Benefits include free rent in the Littlescum Grand Hotel. For further information contact the Mayor Horace Lackabrain at the following email address: themayor@littlescum.com
Sam Soupmaker was browsing the internet looking for a way to save lives with his soup machine. Fortunately for Littlescum, Iowa, Sam came across their advertisement. Sam the Soupmaker (aka Souper Sam). promptly emailed the mayor and requested to converse with him on Yahoo Messenger.
That evening they chatted using the messenger device, and agreed on certain terms. One of the terms Sam insisted on was the hiring of Spigot Steve, his brother, to handle the actual soup dispensing procedure. Soon Sam and Steve boarded an Aero Whosher Air Travel Device with their soup machine, and were enroute to Littlescum, Iowa
Littlescumians were overjoyed to hear of the cook enroute to their town, and all went to the Littlescum International Airport to greet the man that would cook for them. Yes, even the Littlescum Lutes and Lyres Marching band was there! Children screamed in delight as the Aero Whosher came into view
Onboard, Sam Soupmaker had his Soup Machine fully loaded with all needed ingredients and a fine soup of pork parts, stewed onions, celery, and parsley was awaiting the Littlescum residents. Spigot Steve was doing his hand limbering excercises in anticipation of operating the soup spigot that would revitalize the town.
The Aero Whosher landed, and as the Soup Machine was offloaded with its wonderous smelling load of Pork Part Soup the townspeople rushed forward. As the crowd rushed forward, Spigot Steve prepared to operate the spigot as Soupmaker Sam stirred this scrumptious feast
The townspeople were all eager to be first in line for this fine meal. Soon a scuffle broke out, and in the melee Spigot Sam's hands were horribly injured. Though this was an accident, it rendered Steve unable to operate the spigot. Pressure began to build up within the soup machine, and with Spigot Steve unable to operate the spigot, an explosion was unavoidable.
The seams on the soup machine began to stretch as the pressure built up within. Littlescum residents began to back away from this now dangerous device. Yet, unaware of the the true dangers they were in, they retreated much too slowly
With horror struck eyes, they watched the soup machine explode. Heated Pork Part Soup covered Sam and Steve, instantly killing them
Sadly, Littlescum was never able to hire another cook, and the residents spent the rest of their lives starving to death over and over again.
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