Mango Matt's Disappearance

Matt's supposed disappearance of 1950-1955 is explained...

Mango Matt Returns

Late December of 1950 Matt was no longer to be found in his homeland. At first it was assumed that he was on another of his sojourns, and he would return home soon. However days grew to weeks, weeks to months, and finally months became years without any sign of Matt.

Matt's experiments of hybridizing the Mango tree culminated in the late 1940's with some very substantial results, which he kept secret from the public. However, he did share this information with an extremely interested U.S. Government.

This remarkable botanist had developed a hybrid mango tree that could survive temperature extremes of minus 200 to plus 225 degrees Fahrenheit without the normal air qualities one would expect it to need. Practically a new species, it was named "Mangonomo Matti".

"Mangonomo Matti" had several most interesting qualities. As each tree reached approximately 3 years of age it achieved the ability to moderate the climate in approximately a one acre area. This new micro climate was perfectly suited for human habitation with temperatures varying from 55 to 83 degrees Fahrenheit. A second quality of this mango tree was its ability (achieved at 1-2 years of age) to absorb air that was poisonous to humans and give off excellent oxygen enriched air.

The U.S. Department of Climate Control approached Matt in early 1950 with a request to conduct a secret experiment on the Malamig Island (later renamed Mangolia) in the Arctic Ocean, located several hundred miles north of Point Barrow, Alaska. Malamig Island suffered from temperatures as low as minus 125 degrees Fahrenheit annually, and was uninhabited. Malamig Island covered approximately 92 acres and was completely devoid of vegetation and wildlife.

Information on Matt's secret experiment for the Department of Climate Control has surfaced and Just Another Bipod wishes to share with the world what miracle Matt accomplished.

This information is limited in quantity. December 28, 1950 Matt embarked on the ice cutter USS Northern Enterprise from a secret location in California. This small ship was tightly packed with survival gear for Matt and included 100 of his "Mangonomo Matti" mango tree seedlings. A small log cabin was included for Matt's personal use, as well as a supply of food and fuel.

The ship arrived at Malamig Island January 18th, 1951. The crew stayed long enough to set up Matt's log cabin and offload his supplies. Still unsure of Matt's mission, the crew departed January 22nd, with strict orders to pick Matt up in mid July. A kind hearted crew member left his cell phone for Matt to use.

Matt struggled to get his mango seedlings planted. One would think that planting 100 trees in more than 5 months would be simple. However, the readers must remember that Malimig Island was in the land of permafrost, with the ground permanently frozen to a depth of more than three feet. Before each tree seedling could be planted it was necessary to defrost the earth to a minimum of 18". On a very good day, Matt was able to plant five of these mango tree seedlings.

Yet Matt was able to accomplish his mission ahead of schedule, and by late May of 1951 all the seedlings had been planted, and were adapting quite well to Malamig Island.

Patiently Matt awaited the return of the USS Northern Enterprise, unaware that it had been deployed to the waters off of North Korea and sunk in battle, with the loss of all crew members. In 1954 Matt began to wonder why he had not been picked up yet.

Victorina

At this stage in the hybrid
mango trees development, the climatic control properties of the tree had already changed Malamig Island's micro climate, and Malamig Island was becoming quite a pleasant place. Irregardless of the pleasantness of Malamig Island, Matt began to miss his wife Victorina.

Fearful of roaming charges, Matt had been concerned of using the cellphone given to him by the sailor on the USS Northern Enterprise. However, in the spring of 1955 Matt decided to call the Department of Climate Control to inquire as to when he would be picked up.

Somehow, all records of Matt had been lost by the U.S. Department of Climate Control. Matt explained in his phone call how Malamig Island had been transformed into a semi-tropical paradise.

Unfortunately, Matt's phone call was treated as a prank call by the department.

During lunch, the call taker shared information about this prank caller with his co-workers, and they all were having a good laugh at the thought of a semi-tropical island located north of Alaska.

Major Moustache (Ignacio Burnham Moustache), now acting as a temporary advisor for the Department of Climate Control overheard his friend Mango Matt's name laughingly mentioned at a nearby table. The polite Major inquired as to the nature of the amusement, and was given details as to the phone call.

Smiling knowingly, Major Moustache left the cafeteria and made two phone calls. The first was to Victorina, Mango Matt's wife. The second was to Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln immediately set up a "rescue mission" for his friend Matt. Though not officially a rescue mission, with Abraham Lincoln's authority it was given top priority. A USAF V-3 Seaplane was designated as the retrieve vehicle, based on its speed and carrying capacity. The passengers that were on this flight included Matt's wife (Victorina), Major Moustache, and of course Abraham Lincoln. The V-3 seaplane was piloted by a WWII hero, John F. Kennedy.

Landing on Malamig Bay at 9:17 am on May 17, 1955, the crew and passengers discovered the paradise created by Mango Matt. Abraham Lincoln, Major Moustache and the pilot John F. Kennedy congratulated Matt on a job quite well done.

Returning to the US, Matt was approached by individuals at the newly created NASA. Further details of this meeting will be included at a later date if they lead to any significant event(s).

Mango Matt

Perhaps you have heard of Johnny Appleseed?

Mango Matt

It is time you learned of Mango Matt, a kind-hearted sort of individual. He was variously known as Mango Matt, Matthew Mangoseed, and Mangoseed Matt.

Mango Matt grew up reading tales of Johnny Appleseed, Paul Bunyan, and the like. Matt was especially fond of the concept of Johnny Appleseed, and wished to do something similiar to leave his mark on the world.

While a child of 5, Mango Matt ran away from home and obtained work on a cargo ship as a ship sweeper. For 47 years Matt roamed the world as a ship sweeper, and a very good one he was. He saved pretty much all of his $25 per month wages. Matt lived a simple life on board ship, his main pleasure was reading and rereading The Tales of Johnny Appleseed.

At the age of 41, Matt's ship docked in the Philippines and took on a cargo of mangos. Onboard the cook served mangos with most meals on this voyage to Alaska.  Matt grew to love mangos, and wished to share them with the world somehow.

One night while rereading the Tales of Johnny Appleseed  Matt had an inspiration.  Yes, and a fine one it was, at least in theory. He could take his life savings, and on the next trip to the Philippines purchase many mango seeds. Once he returned to the states he could live a life of Johnny Appleseed and forest  his homeland with mango trees!

Matt waited and waited, and finally in 1937 his ship returned to the Philippines where Matt purchased copious amounts of mango seeds.

The return trip from the Philippines was a direct one to the United States. While on this voyage (his final one), Matt spent his time reading and rereading his book The Tales of Johnny Appleseed for all the technical information he could gather. 



Matt at 116 Years of Age

Matt's ship docked in Superior, Wisconsin on June12th,1938. Bidding a fond farewell to his captain and crewmates , Matt entrusted his precious cargo of mango seeds to the dockworkers while he went in search of a truck to purchase.

Definitely in luck, Matt located a 1927 Visti Overland Express ton and a half truck for a reasonable price, which he promptly purchased. After filling the tank on his Visti, Matt hurried back to the dock to pick up his precious cargo.

Thus began the legend of Mango Matt.

Mango Matt wandered thoughout the United States, and occasionally into Canada.

Today's vast forests of mango trees throughout the United States can be accredited to Mango Matt. They bear fruit year round, due to Matt's incredible location strategy for planting seeds.

It may be hard to believe, but at one time it was impossible to go out in the middle of a Northwest Wisconsin winter and pick a fine juicy mango. We all owe Matt a debt of gratitude, and if by chance you see him, tell him "Thanks for the mango." It always makes his day to hear that.

These photos were taken in the fall of 2002 in Omaha, Nebraska after the annual Mango Festival. Although 116 years of age at the time of these photographs, Mango Matt is still in remarkable shape. We chatted with Matt a while, and he said he owes his fine life to mangos. Matt says his aging process quit when he switched to a 100% mango diet.

The Bad Weed

The gardener discovered a new weed in the lettuce section of the garden. At first it is a tiny thing, hardly worth the trouble of removing. Besides, it is sort of cute, in a homely way. The gardener decide not to worry about it, after all, it is a huge garden, and what difference can one tiny weed make? It is in the lettuce section, and heck, the gardener really don't care for lettuce much anyhow.

As time progresses this weed grows bigger and more powerful. Soon the lettuce plants around it begin to wilt and die as this garden weed grows and grows. Perhaps it is time to pull it up. No, that would be a bad idea. If one were to pull it up, the act of dislodging it would kill a few of the surrounding lettuce plants.

Bad Weed

One weekend the gardener goes to the garden and discovers this weed has flowered and gone to seed. The wind blows the seeds throughout your garden. They sprout and begin to grow. Soon they will be just like the original weed, but there will be hundreds of them this time. Oh well, just ignore them, maybe they won't get big and strong anyhow.

Yet they do become big and powerful. These hundreds of new weeds each put out hundreds more seeds each, and these hundreds times hundreds of new plants spread throughout the yard. The good plants struggle to survive this invasion of their area, but to no avail. The weeds kill them pretty much all off.

It appears it is time to do something about this problem. A consultation with the International Society of Plants is needed to receive permission to remove this weed and all the other weeds it has spawned.

The International Society of Plants decides to hold a meeting to discuss this problem. They issue a resolution. It is harshly worded and presented to the original weed. This is the resolution they presented:

It has come to our intention that you may possibly be causing a few problems in your section of the garden. Please stop it, if you don't mind. Thank you very much for your time. Have a nice day.

Your friends,
The International Society of Plants

The gardener wonders if this resolution will work, but being a member of the International Society of Plants, he feels he must go along with their resolution.

The original plant prospers, and learns how to put out secretions that are deadly to all other plants. Gleefully this God of the Plant World (as he has taken to calling himself) experiments and learns of new ways to kill off other plant species that may compete with him for the Kingdom of the Garden.

Many many plants die. This cruel weed takes a perverse pleasure in watching the death of other plants. As his power increases, he has some of his offspring destroyed because he is secretly afraid of them.

One day this self proclaimed God of the Plant World sends some of his offspring into a neighboring garden, because this other garden has land he wants for himself. The gardener notices this, and with a couple of his friends he goes in and rescues the invaded garden. For now, these weeds are pushed back and contained within their original garden.

Years go by, and this weed prospers in this one garden. He grows richer and richer and discovers there are other types of weeds in the world and makes pacts with them. He discovers there are some gardeners that have fertilizer they will trade with him for his riches. These other gardeners are not very clever. They think the God of the Plant World is their buddy.

The good gardener begins to get annoyed with this so called God of the Plant World. He returns to the International Society of Plants to see how their resolution is working. They decide to hold a meeting. At the meeting they decide to contact the weed and request information from him on all the bad things he has. He sends them what he calls a complete list of his bad items. The International Plant Society says okee dokee, we will go to the garden and see these things are removed.

The International Society of Plants pays its inspectors money to make sure these bad things are destroyed. They will continue receiving this money for as long as the job takes. The longer it takes, the more money they will make. The scheming weed only tells the inspectors of his minor tools of destruction. Every now and then the evil weed destroys one of these minor weapons. The International Society of Plants cheerfully announces, "See, he is truly doing as we asked."

One of the bad gardeners laughs and laughs as he hears this claim. He is making much money by supplying the evil weed with supplies it needs to create more destructive items.

The good gardener finally has enough of this evil weed and all its evil companions. He announces he will destroy them before they enter all the gardens of the world.

Other gardeners say "No, this must not happen. After all, this bad weed has not entered any other gardens lately. We must wait until it enters the other gardens and causes much damage. If it ever does that, well, then we will think about doing something about it."

Many children of these other gardeners agree. They get together in large groups and hold rallies. They claim destruction of weeds is a bad thing to do.

One day the good gardener and his own children went into the infested garden with their hoes and dug up all the bad weeds.

The End

Whatever Became of Uncle Bob?

Chapter One: Uncle Bob's Last Picture  

Crevice The Cat

We weren't sure if that really was Uncle Bob laying all sprawled out all over the place. I mean, Uncle Bob was the casual sort, and he did tend to get mighty comfortable once he relaxed.

Still it just wasn't like him to be so careless and leave his left leg bone here, his right arm bone away over there, and the rest of himself all scattered round higgledy squiggledy.

Still, the sheriff identified him as Uncle Bob so we guessed it was. Besides, there was Uncle Bob's digital camera laying twenty seven feet and eight and three quarters inches away from the car, and the car was definitely Uncle Bob's car.

Uncle Bob's car was easy to recognize because the license plates said UNC BOB. That's the ones we got him for his birthday only three years and eighteen days earlier. He was so proud and happy to get them.

My cousin Little Bob went over and picked up the digital camera and held it next to his heart. You could tell he was a thinking about his long lost Daddy.

The rest of us was looking at those bones scattered around.

Us kids thought those bones were mighty peculiar looking for bones. They sort of looked like plastic ones like they sell at the Halloween Store over on Grimsby Street. I picked up the skull and and was getting ready to give it a good thump to see if it sounded like plastic, but Sheriff Wentworth saw what I was going to do and he got all red faced and mad, then he started yelling some real bad words, so that scared us kids and we ran away.

We ran up and down a few hills, and the sheriff chased us for a bit, but he was so fat from all them doughnuts he eats at Aunt Ethel's Doughnut Shop that he got tuckered out real quick like.

We runned a bit more, then we all stopped to hide at the log. That's a big oak tree that is a laying across the stream way behind the store. I looked over at Cousin Little Bob to see how he was doing, and I saw he was still a hanging on to his Daddy's digital camera. Looking down, I saw in my hands Uncle Bob's skull!

Well, I just stared at it, now knowing what to do with it. Something caught my attention, and I asked Cousin Little Bob if his Daddy had a tattoo on the top of his head. This was sort of a strange tattoo to have on top of a head, it said Made in China.

Well, my cousin he said no way would his Daddy have a tattoo like that on top of his head. So we got all cheered up cause we know this wasn't Uncle Bob's skull at all. Hoorah!

Cousin Little Bob started to play with his Daddy's digital camera. He flicked the power switch to the On position then he moved the mode button to Review Images. He smiled at a picture, so we asked him what he was a smiling at. Little Bob said it was a picture of his long last cat named Crevice, missing about three years now.

---

Chapter Two: Uncle Bob's Next to Last Picture
 

Mangolia

Cousin Little Bob continued his review of all the digital images on his Daddy's camera. Deep in thought and reminiscing about his poor lost Daddy and Crevice the Cat, the guy had some tears trickling down his face.

He stared at one picture for the longest time, deep in thought. Suddenly his eyes just sparkled and the biggest grin shot right across his face. I ain't poetic, but it was like the darkest night brightened by a friendly lightening bolt that chased away all gloom.

Little Bob started mumbling something over and over again. Well, we just couldn't figure out what he was saying, but he kept saying it louder and louder till all of a sudden we realized he was saying "Mangolia".

We didn't get it at first, but he calmed down a bit and said his Daddy was in Mangolia, cause that's where that picture of the big old jar like thing was taken. He'd seen it in some adventure magazine his Daddy had that told all about Mango Matt.

Major Moustache

Major Moustache

Ignacio Burnham Moustache was a fine inventor. Ignacio was born in Vistiville, Virginia on May 8, 1840. Ignacio's father was a self taught schoolteacher and an inventor.

Ignacio's mother (Melissa Moustache) was the creator of the actual recipe for fried chicken that a certain restaurant chain uses to this day. Perhaps you have eaten Melissa's chicken at one of the Fine Fried Fowl Food restaurants?

Ignacio's childhood was a bit peculiar, he actually enjoyed school! His favorite subjects were arithmetic, science, and biology. His college years were well under way when the Civil War broke out. Ignacio joined the Union Army and, based on his schooling, was immediately made a doctor, with the rank of captain.

Captain I. B. Moustache was in Washington D.C. on April 14, 1864, the day President Lincoln was shot. Captain I. B. Moustache attended to the needs of President Lincoln after the assassination attempt. The Secret Service, fearing further attempts on President's Lincoln's life, publicly announced the death of the beloved President. However, President Abraham Lincoln was still very much alive, thanks to Captain Moustache.

The funeral of President Lincoln was a very elaborate hoax.

I.B. Moustache was promoted to the rank of Major due to his extraordinary abilities that resulted in the saving of President Lincoln's life. Entrusted with the health care of President Lincoln, the two became close friends.

Major Moustache was assigned as permanent doctor/caretaker for Abraham Lincoln and the Secret Service established a permanent secret residence (shown below) for the president.



Abraham Lincoln's Secret House

Slowly, one by one, the press was given reports of various incidents concerning the status of Abraham Lincoln's family. Yet, they did not die or end up in insane asylums, as these reports stated. It was a simple method used to get them out of the public spotlight and reunited with Abraham Lincoln.

As Abraham Lincoln's health continued to improve, Major Moustache found himself with more and more free time on his hands.

Major Moustache was able to spend time with his true love, the inventing of communication devices. Funded and encouraged by the US Army, Major Moustache began work on his most elaborate project. The goal was to create a machine that could process various types of information and send it between army units.

President Lincoln aided Major Moustache in this project. Little is known as to which individual contributed the most.

After several years of concentrated effort, the two gentlemen came up with what is best described as a steam powered computer/internet system. The computer itself was fairly limited by today's standard, but their internet transmission speed was extraordinary. By today's reckoning, transmissions in excess of 5,000 Kbps were reached. Their internet transmission utilized no cables or phone lines,it was a radio wave type transmission.

A major problem with this was that it relied on line of site. The sending and receiving stations needed to be in a direct line of site with each other. Any obstruction such as buildings, mountains, or even the curvature of the earth would block transmission.

Transmission was attempted from the roof of the house, then a nearby hill. Results were disappointing. 20 miles appeared to be the maximum range. This limited range was extremely disappointing to all concerned. The radio wave type transmission utilized had unlimited distance, but only in a straight line.

In an overnight dream, Major I.B. Moustache came up with the thought that perhaps these waves could be reflected off the moon allowing great distances to be achieved.

With a few alterations to the project and home (including the "roof window" seen in the picture) Ignacio and Abraham were able to test this theory. Bouncing the transmissions off the moon increased the possible distance between sending and receiving stations to an incredible range of up to 10,983 miles!

Retiring from the military, Ignacio Burnaham Moustache formed a company called IBM, using his own initials. One would assume that with this greatly expanded operating range this contraption known as "The IBM Extraordinary Thinking and Transmission Device" would be in great demand.

Yet this was not to be. With the invention of the telephone the IBM company was an unwanted business on the marketplace. Folks wanted immediate voice transmission, not a text or image transmission that depended on whether or not the moon was overhead. Sadly, this was an invention that was not to be used. A shame it is, imagine the possibility of having one of these devices in your own home.

Make Your Own Toilet Paper

The Wonderful World of Toilet Paper

"More, more, more!" write the readers. People fascinated by the subject of toilet paper have besieged Just Another Bipod with requests for more informative stuff about toilet paper.

Make your own toilet paper

Amazingly, toilet paper is simple to create, and can be made at home for you do it your self type people at a cost of about 3¢ per roll. It is an ideal beginner's project for first time hobbyists.

In your blender place 3 cups hot water.

Add 5 cups torn newspaper.

Blend on low for 2 minutes.

Add 1 teaspoon flour.

Blend 3 more minutes on low.

Remove container from blender. Spread mix on your sidewalk 3-5" wide (your choice based on personal need). Flatten with spatula to thickness desired. Allow to dry.

Now comes the neat customizing part! Get out your (or your wife's or Mom's) dress pattern thing. You know, that strange wheeled object that gets rolled across the pattern and material. The thing with the sharp bumps every 1/16th of an inch. Roll that rascal across the toilet paper, creating sheets of any length you desire!

That's it! Roll it up and you are ready to go!

Options

Substitute junk mail, bills, credit card applications, etc. for the torn newspaper. Avoid glossy magazine type paper. It is just too slippery to create a usable product.

Toilet Paper Preservation Society

Founded March 16, 1891. Dedicated to the preventions of abuse, misuse, and overuse of toilet paper.

Toilet paper does not grow on trees.

In the end, everbody eventually uses too much toilet paper.

The overuse of toilet paper is an addiction. One starts small, perhaps one sheet a day, then they find themselves using two sheets, three sheets, and soon find themselves using rolls of toilet paper every day.

This addiction is caused by certain individuals dependence on chemicals used in the manufacture of toilet paper. They do not knowingly become addicted, it just happens.

Improper diet can cause an increased need (both physical and psychological) for more and more toilet paper. If you doubt this, attempt a little experiment. The three day prune diet will convince you of this.

July 4th, 1913, Jonathan P. Ingleston of The Toilet Paper Preservation Society released the first commercial version of Jonathan's Chemical Free Bathroom Tissue. The addicted individual should use this alternative to "normal" toilet paper.

The Society goes along with the fact that toilet paper has become almost a needed item in most parts of the world. The goals of The Society in regards to toilet paper are simple:

• Limit it's usage.
  
  
• Endorses the concept of reusable toilet paper.
  
  
• Add a small luxury tax to toilet paper, perhaps $5.00 per roll, with all proceeds from this to go to the Toilet Paper Preservation Society.
  
  
• Encourage constipation among all citizens of the world.
  
  
• Ban the use of laxatives.

All individuals are welcome to become members of this society.

Noise Producing Machine

It sings, talks, and produces music!

Radio Thing

Makes Human Sounds

Just Another Bipods's research department was recently on a fact finding tour at Food 4 Less. Noticing this eye catching item displayed near the ketchup, we were immediately fascinated by it. It was packaged and labeled as a radio, whatever that was, we did not know.

The cost of this radio item was $9.99. Reading the information on the package, it was discovered it needed a 9 volt battery also. One of these 9 volt batteries was available for $2.29. The research department was allowed $15.00 for a new project so this radio thing was within our guidelines.

Rushing back to Just Another Bipods's research department, we eagerly opened the package containing this radio thing. The radio had a slick surface, and the staff passed it from hand to hand as we marveled at its smoothness and beauty.

Discovered within the box was also a small piece of paper with directions for inserting the battery, though there were no directions for the actual use of this radio.

After the battery was correctly installed, the staff studied this radio in an attempt to discover how it worked. Another puzzling thought was, "What does this radio thing actually do?"

After several hours of discussion and attempting to push or rotate parts of this radio a remarkable discovery was made. The silver knob on the right front of the radio was discovered to turn! Turning this knob caused the thin vertical piece of plastic near the numbers to move.

In a sudden burst of inspiration, an attempt to rotate the left knob was attempted, but there was some resistance. Not wishing to cause any harm to the radio we temporarily abandoned anything to do with the left knob.

It was approaching 3 a.m., and no progress had yet been made towards the actual activating of this radio's power supply. Further reading of the directions that accompanied this product revealed that it was made in China, and gave the actual phone number of the company that made this radio.

Although a phone call to China would not be in the best financial interest of Just Another Bipod, the decision was made to contact the manufacturer.

With feelings of anticipation the staff listened in as I made the call on my Visti XL23 Speaker Phone. The phone rang twice, and was picked up by someone that talked real funny. I have no idea what he was saying, but I explained our problem. In response I got more of these strange words. I restated our problem, but this time I talked much slower and much louder so he could understand me better.

No luck. Then another voice came on the line, and said "May I help you?"

I explained how we were unable to get their radio device to activate.

A pause as the other individual considered what I had said. Then came the revealing answer, "Turn left knob harder. Goodbye." Then they hung up their phone quite loudly.

I turned that left knob, and putting a bit of strength into it I bypassed the resistance point. Suddenly strange scratchy noises came out of the front of the radio thing! We listened to this for about 45 minutes trying to figure out the purpose behind such an invention.

One of my co-researchers had a thought, and asked, "What would happen if we turned the right knob?"

We discussed the pros and cons of this for awhile, then decided to go ahead and turn the right knob. Voices came out of the radio! Turning the knob more, and music was being produced. Looks like we are onto something pretty neat here!

The entire staff of Just Another Bipod was called in to witness and listen to this wonderful radio thing. Though it was 5 a.m. on a Sunday morning when we notified everyone, they all eagerly showed up at Just Another Bipod. Some brought doughnuts and others didn't. We had a wonderful time and spent all day Sunday in pure enjoyment of the radio.

We have become quite expert at the use of radio. Just Another Bipod is now the proud owner of two such radio things.

Another Radio Thing

This picture shows our newest one.

Internet research on the radio gives us the following information. Nikola Tesla was the actual inventor of the radio in 1893. Two years later Guglielmo Marconi produced a much similiar device in London, and claimed it as his own invention.

Using one of those internet e-mail address locator things, we were able to discover e-mail addresses for several Nikola Tesla and Guglielmo Marconi. E-mails to all of them regarding their invention of the radio has so far produced no results.

Antique Dirt Road Discovered

Antique Dirt Road

Gravel Road still in use.

Boyer Chute in Nebraska

This is something you may have heard your grandparent's speak of. An actual gravel road, and it is still being used. It is located in Nebraska. Details are sketchy on this mystery find. Judging from the photo it appears to go a little ways, then turn to the left. Imagine that!

Noticing this rural oddity, I parked the car near the entrance to this road. Being in a pioneer spirit, I exited the car and gingerly approached the gravel road. I paused and contemplated what I was about to do, then cautiously placed my right foot gently on the surface of this strange environment.

It appeared solid enough to support my weight, so I brought my other foot into contact with this road. The surface was not as stable as people are used to nowadays. The gravel shifted slightly as I stood there, an eerie feeling for a modern human.

Taking several steps on this road, I found it no more stable in any spot I placed my feet. Turning around in a stumbling manner, I quickly returned to the solid footing of a black topped road.

My wife now had her camera in hand, and begged me to return to the road to allow a photo taking opportunity of this "return to the past". This I could not do.

Did I suffer any bad effects from this experience? How did I feel? After walking on history my stomach felt like it was moving side to side as water moves in a lake. I actually felt the need to vomit as sweat poured off of me. Pausing and finally regaining my composure after 23 1/2 minutes, I returned to the car for my Visti 25x Digital Zoomer camera and took this photo to share with the world.

The Can Or The Can Opener?

Food fit for a King!

Delicious Stuff

The culinary staff at Just Another Bipod is mighty pleased to present information of gastronomical delight
 
Do you ever wonder or worry about stuff like cans and can openers? Just Another Bipod does, and it was decided to do a bit of research on this.
Why would anyone invented a can without a can opener already being in existence? Then again, why would anyone invent a can opener when there were no cans?

Peter Durand invented cans in 1810. One very noteworthy result of this was that canned food would last a long time. Just Another Bipod concurs. Without can openers anything stored in a can should last a mighty long time.

Canned food continued to accumulate until 1858 when Ezra Warner, possibly near starvation, invented the can opener. Global Honk was unable to discover what was in the first can that he opened. Ezra Warner's can opening device was not quite up to today's standards, but it did the trick.

Good old William Lyman did a bit of improvement on the can opener in 1870. William came up with a bit easier to use can opener. Then in 1925 the "modern" can opener (non-electric) was invented.

First Air Travel Machine

Predates the Wright brothers by decades!

Air Travel Originated in Holland
Continuing with its successful rediscovery of historical information, Global Honk is pleased to share the following information with its readers.

Sources credit Orville and Wilbur Wright with the first self propelled heavier than air craft. Initial test date of this airplane was December 17, 1903, in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Yes, Orville and Wilbur Wright did create an airplane that was improved upon and allowed the development of today's multitude of aircraft

Aero Whosher

However, the historical image to the right displays a much earlier air machine, the Aero Whosher, invented by cousins Annabelle and Louise Aberlott, of Vistillburg, Holland. Based on local reports from Vistillburg, it appears the first flight of this craft took place on October 19, 1847. This first heavier than air powered air flight was airborne for exactly one hour, and covered an estimated 127 miles

After the initial test flight, Annabelle and Louise were frequent fliers, with trips ranging up to thousands of miles. Looked upon by the public as upstart women that didn't know their place in society, their accomplishments have been covered up in all references to air travel inventions

If they had been men this information would have been well publicized. Note how the Aero Whosher has been disguised as a windmill, it's power source removed and destroyed. Sad things happen in this world to continue male domination

The Aero Whosher utilized a unique yeast powered turbine engine containing dual power tanks. Each tank would hold one kilo (2.2 pounds) of yeast, and 5 liters of water, and power the craft for approximately three hours. The tanks were used on an alternate basis, while one tank was powering the craft, the other would be refilled and readied to take over.

The Anti-Light Bulb

In 1878 Thomas Alva Edison invented his prototype of the light bulb. Neat thing, we must admit. Nice to be able to make a dark room almost as bright as daytime

A little known follow up to this was the anti-light bulb, invented by Lars Johanson of Bennett, Wisconsin in 1903. Lars was a shift worker at the Bennett Mining Company, and normally worked the 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. shift. Working night shift, Lars' eyes became extremely light sensitive over the years. Eventually he was able to read a book in the complete absence of light

However, Lars advanced eyesight became a curse to him. He became unable to sleep in the daytime. Light penetrated his eyelids as he attempted sleep in the daytime, and with his eyes closed he was able to see as well as you or I can see with our eyes open. Lars tried numerous ways to control the light reaching his eyes, but to no avail

Lars was a clever fellow, and eventually came up with the anti-light bulb. Not powered by anything, it was a glob of hypernoximity mixed with boric nitrate. Exact percentages of the mix is still unknown. This anti-light bulb was like a magnet to light. A bulb the size of a golfball would last approximately three weeks, and draw in all light from a 2000 cubic foot area

Lars Johanson sold anti-light bulbs to his fellow shift workers and became fairly rich. He was able to quit his mining job in Bennet, Wisconsin

Sales of Lars Johanson's anti-light bulb declined quite a bit after the invention of curtains by Wilhema Snokalost. However, the prudent fellow had taken care to see that his money would last him many years.

Breaking Bridge

Splits itself in two to let boats through!

  Near Seattle (Washington, USA)

Breaking Bridge Near Seattle

I was on a fact finding tour of the Northwest United States during the month of September, 2001.

An amazing discovery was unearthed. This bridge somehow senses when boats will need additional room to pass under it. Then it splits itself right across the middle, and the two sides rise up from the center, and quickly are out of harms way.

This is obviously a defense mechanism the bridge has perfected.

I am unsure when the bridge began to do this. We asked a local resident (Stevie, age 5) about this, and he assured us the bridge had always been there and always done that.

This local resident was also fascinated by the breaking bridge. It appeared his fondest wishes were for the bridge to go down and crunch the boats. We spent several hours with Stevie watching the bridge and also hoping for the bridge to crunch the boats.
 

Breaking Bridge People

Amazingly, not more than a ten minute walk from the breaking bridge, this image to the left displays what was going on.

There were all sorts of people there, and they were looking at stuff that other people were trying to sell them.

There was items like old used clothes, old used furniture, and even old used typewriters and musical instruments.

It was hot there. we discovered that this place sold food and liquids! Two members of the research staff purchased food (vegetable burgers), and the rest of the staff purchased sodas.

This is how Just Another Bipod spends all the money it's readers send in. Research, it is called, a wonderful thing.

This research allowed me to learn an awful lot about breaking bridges, and provided you with this fine webpage.

Editorial Note: This is another instance where Just Another Bipod goes where few others dare to travel for research of considerable interest to its viewing public.

Sam Soupmaker

Things were very bad in 1873 in the town of Littlescum, Iowa. People were starving to death.

It was so bad that some individuals were starving to death five or six times every month. Food was available in great quantities, but the trouble was that Carl the Cook had recently inherited $12,507 and left town to live a life of luxury in Council Bluffs, Iowa. Without a town cook, how could people possibly avoid starving?

Things were terrible, individuals would starve to death, then they would starve to death again and again. It wasn't too long before people began to get tired of starving to death

A petition was needed, yes it was. The citizens petitioned the Honorable Mayor Horace Lackabrain. Signed by all, the petitioned called for the mayor to hire a new town cook.

The mayor jumped into action, and promptly posted an ad in the Littlescum Gazette. Unfortunately the only people that read this periodical were Littlescumians, as the people of Littlescum were called

However, and fortunately for the folks in town, the dogcatcher also doubled as the official Littlescum Webmaster. Conferring with Mayor Lackabrain, they came up with an advertisement to post on the city's official website. With great expectations Webmaster/Dogcatcher Wilford T. Bowels inserted the following announcement on the very front page of the Littlescum Website.

City Employment Opportunity in Littlescum, Iowa. There is an immediate opening for a cook. This position is full time. Benefits include free rent in the Littlescum Grand Hotel. For further information contact the Mayor Horace Lackabrain at the following email address: themayor@littlescum.com

Sam Soupmaker was browsing the internet looking for a way to save lives with his soup machine. Fortunately for Littlescum, Iowa, Sam came across their advertisement. Sam the Soupmaker (aka Souper Sam). promptly emailed the mayor and requested to converse with him on Yahoo Messenger.

That evening they chatted using the messenger device, and agreed on certain terms. One of the terms Sam insisted on was the hiring of Spigot Steve, his brother, to handle the actual soup dispensing procedure. Soon Sam and Steve boarded an Aero Whosher Air Travel Device with their soup machine, and were enroute to Littlescum, Iowa

Littlescumians were overjoyed to hear of the cook enroute to their town, and all went to the Littlescum International Airport to greet the man that would cook for them. Yes, even the Littlescum Lutes and Lyres Marching band was there! Children screamed in delight as the Aero Whosher came into view

Onboard, Sam Soupmaker had his Soup Machine fully loaded with all needed ingredients and a fine soup of pork parts, stewed onions, celery, and parsley was awaiting the Littlescum residents. Spigot Steve was doing his hand limbering excercises in anticipation of operating the soup spigot that would revitalize the town.

The Aero Whosher landed, and as the Soup Machine was offloaded with its wonderous smelling load of Pork Part Soup the townspeople rushed forward. As the crowd rushed forward, Spigot Steve prepared to operate the spigot as Soupmaker Sam stirred this scrumptious feast

The townspeople were all eager to be first in line for this fine meal. Soon a scuffle broke out, and in the melee Spigot Sam's hands were horribly injured. Though this was an accident, it rendered Steve unable to operate the spigot. Pressure began to build up within the soup machine, and with Spigot Steve unable to operate the spigot, an explosion was unavoidable.

The seams on the soup machine began to stretch as the pressure built up within. Littlescum residents began to back away from this now dangerous device. Yet, unaware of the the true dangers they were in, they retreated much too slowly

With horror struck eyes, they watched the soup machine explode. Heated Pork Part Soup covered Sam and Steve, instantly killing them

Sadly, Littlescum was never able to hire another cook, and the residents spent the rest of their lives starving to death over and over again.

The Great Time Reversal

The words on the stone above me slowly became sharper and easier to read.
 
Beneath this monument marking my scheduled passage and arrival on this world my body slowly gained form. A layer of dust became bones, another layer of dust became rotted flesh. Rotted flesh over the years became solid flesh, giving my shape to a lifeless black suit of clothes

As the time neared for my death, it became common for my descendents and surviving friends and relatives to visit and think. I was unaware that my grandchildren and children were now visiting my burial site. The time of my death was drawing nearer

A ceremony was held in my honor, or so I was told. Family and friends gathered in joy as my body was raised from the earth. I was transferred to a waiting hearse. This vehicle brought me to the funeral parlor, where embalmers brought my body to a more deathlike appearance.

From there my body was taken to a hospital and an awaiting bed. Soon death would come. Family members awaited this moment joyously. My wife held my hand as the time approached.