Mango Matt's Disappearance

Matt's supposed disappearance of 1950-1955 is explained...

Mango Matt Returns

Late December of 1950 Matt was no longer to be found in his homeland. At first it was assumed that he was on another of his sojourns, and he would return home soon. However days grew to weeks, weeks to months, and finally months became years without any sign of Matt.

Matt's experiments of hybridizing the Mango tree culminated in the late 1940's with some very substantial results, which he kept secret from the public. However, he did share this information with an extremely interested U.S. Government.

This remarkable botanist had developed a hybrid mango tree that could survive temperature extremes of minus 200 to plus 225 degrees Fahrenheit without the normal air qualities one would expect it to need. Practically a new species, it was named "Mangonomo Matti".

"Mangonomo Matti" had several most interesting qualities. As each tree reached approximately 3 years of age it achieved the ability to moderate the climate in approximately a one acre area. This new micro climate was perfectly suited for human habitation with temperatures varying from 55 to 83 degrees Fahrenheit. A second quality of this mango tree was its ability (achieved at 1-2 years of age) to absorb air that was poisonous to humans and give off excellent oxygen enriched air.

The U.S. Department of Climate Control approached Matt in early 1950 with a request to conduct a secret experiment on the Malamig Island (later renamed Mangolia) in the Arctic Ocean, located several hundred miles north of Point Barrow, Alaska. Malamig Island suffered from temperatures as low as minus 125 degrees Fahrenheit annually, and was uninhabited. Malamig Island covered approximately 92 acres and was completely devoid of vegetation and wildlife.

Information on Matt's secret experiment for the Department of Climate Control has surfaced and Just Another Bipod wishes to share with the world what miracle Matt accomplished.

This information is limited in quantity. December 28, 1950 Matt embarked on the ice cutter USS Northern Enterprise from a secret location in California. This small ship was tightly packed with survival gear for Matt and included 100 of his "Mangonomo Matti" mango tree seedlings. A small log cabin was included for Matt's personal use, as well as a supply of food and fuel.

The ship arrived at Malamig Island January 18th, 1951. The crew stayed long enough to set up Matt's log cabin and offload his supplies. Still unsure of Matt's mission, the crew departed January 22nd, with strict orders to pick Matt up in mid July. A kind hearted crew member left his cell phone for Matt to use.

Matt struggled to get his mango seedlings planted. One would think that planting 100 trees in more than 5 months would be simple. However, the readers must remember that Malimig Island was in the land of permafrost, with the ground permanently frozen to a depth of more than three feet. Before each tree seedling could be planted it was necessary to defrost the earth to a minimum of 18". On a very good day, Matt was able to plant five of these mango tree seedlings.

Yet Matt was able to accomplish his mission ahead of schedule, and by late May of 1951 all the seedlings had been planted, and were adapting quite well to Malamig Island.

Patiently Matt awaited the return of the USS Northern Enterprise, unaware that it had been deployed to the waters off of North Korea and sunk in battle, with the loss of all crew members. In 1954 Matt began to wonder why he had not been picked up yet.

Victorina

At this stage in the hybrid
mango trees development, the climatic control properties of the tree had already changed Malamig Island's micro climate, and Malamig Island was becoming quite a pleasant place. Irregardless of the pleasantness of Malamig Island, Matt began to miss his wife Victorina.

Fearful of roaming charges, Matt had been concerned of using the cellphone given to him by the sailor on the USS Northern Enterprise. However, in the spring of 1955 Matt decided to call the Department of Climate Control to inquire as to when he would be picked up.

Somehow, all records of Matt had been lost by the U.S. Department of Climate Control. Matt explained in his phone call how Malamig Island had been transformed into a semi-tropical paradise.

Unfortunately, Matt's phone call was treated as a prank call by the department.

During lunch, the call taker shared information about this prank caller with his co-workers, and they all were having a good laugh at the thought of a semi-tropical island located north of Alaska.

Major Moustache (Ignacio Burnham Moustache), now acting as a temporary advisor for the Department of Climate Control overheard his friend Mango Matt's name laughingly mentioned at a nearby table. The polite Major inquired as to the nature of the amusement, and was given details as to the phone call.

Smiling knowingly, Major Moustache left the cafeteria and made two phone calls. The first was to Victorina, Mango Matt's wife. The second was to Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln immediately set up a "rescue mission" for his friend Matt. Though not officially a rescue mission, with Abraham Lincoln's authority it was given top priority. A USAF V-3 Seaplane was designated as the retrieve vehicle, based on its speed and carrying capacity. The passengers that were on this flight included Matt's wife (Victorina), Major Moustache, and of course Abraham Lincoln. The V-3 seaplane was piloted by a WWII hero, John F. Kennedy.

Landing on Malamig Bay at 9:17 am on May 17, 1955, the crew and passengers discovered the paradise created by Mango Matt. Abraham Lincoln, Major Moustache and the pilot John F. Kennedy congratulated Matt on a job quite well done.

Returning to the US, Matt was approached by individuals at the newly created NASA. Further details of this meeting will be included at a later date if they lead to any significant event(s).

Major Moustache

Major Moustache

Ignacio Burnham Moustache was a fine inventor. Ignacio was born in Vistiville, Virginia on May 8, 1840. Ignacio's father was a self taught schoolteacher and an inventor.

Ignacio's mother (Melissa Moustache) was the creator of the actual recipe for fried chicken that a certain restaurant chain uses to this day. Perhaps you have eaten Melissa's chicken at one of the Fine Fried Fowl Food restaurants?

Ignacio's childhood was a bit peculiar, he actually enjoyed school! His favorite subjects were arithmetic, science, and biology. His college years were well under way when the Civil War broke out. Ignacio joined the Union Army and, based on his schooling, was immediately made a doctor, with the rank of captain.

Captain I. B. Moustache was in Washington D.C. on April 14, 1864, the day President Lincoln was shot. Captain I. B. Moustache attended to the needs of President Lincoln after the assassination attempt. The Secret Service, fearing further attempts on President's Lincoln's life, publicly announced the death of the beloved President. However, President Abraham Lincoln was still very much alive, thanks to Captain Moustache.

The funeral of President Lincoln was a very elaborate hoax.

I.B. Moustache was promoted to the rank of Major due to his extraordinary abilities that resulted in the saving of President Lincoln's life. Entrusted with the health care of President Lincoln, the two became close friends.

Major Moustache was assigned as permanent doctor/caretaker for Abraham Lincoln and the Secret Service established a permanent secret residence (shown below) for the president.



Abraham Lincoln's Secret House

Slowly, one by one, the press was given reports of various incidents concerning the status of Abraham Lincoln's family. Yet, they did not die or end up in insane asylums, as these reports stated. It was a simple method used to get them out of the public spotlight and reunited with Abraham Lincoln.

As Abraham Lincoln's health continued to improve, Major Moustache found himself with more and more free time on his hands.

Major Moustache was able to spend time with his true love, the inventing of communication devices. Funded and encouraged by the US Army, Major Moustache began work on his most elaborate project. The goal was to create a machine that could process various types of information and send it between army units.

President Lincoln aided Major Moustache in this project. Little is known as to which individual contributed the most.

After several years of concentrated effort, the two gentlemen came up with what is best described as a steam powered computer/internet system. The computer itself was fairly limited by today's standard, but their internet transmission speed was extraordinary. By today's reckoning, transmissions in excess of 5,000 Kbps were reached. Their internet transmission utilized no cables or phone lines,it was a radio wave type transmission.

A major problem with this was that it relied on line of site. The sending and receiving stations needed to be in a direct line of site with each other. Any obstruction such as buildings, mountains, or even the curvature of the earth would block transmission.

Transmission was attempted from the roof of the house, then a nearby hill. Results were disappointing. 20 miles appeared to be the maximum range. This limited range was extremely disappointing to all concerned. The radio wave type transmission utilized had unlimited distance, but only in a straight line.

In an overnight dream, Major I.B. Moustache came up with the thought that perhaps these waves could be reflected off the moon allowing great distances to be achieved.

With a few alterations to the project and home (including the "roof window" seen in the picture) Ignacio and Abraham were able to test this theory. Bouncing the transmissions off the moon increased the possible distance between sending and receiving stations to an incredible range of up to 10,983 miles!

Retiring from the military, Ignacio Burnaham Moustache formed a company called IBM, using his own initials. One would assume that with this greatly expanded operating range this contraption known as "The IBM Extraordinary Thinking and Transmission Device" would be in great demand.

Yet this was not to be. With the invention of the telephone the IBM company was an unwanted business on the marketplace. Folks wanted immediate voice transmission, not a text or image transmission that depended on whether or not the moon was overhead. Sadly, this was an invention that was not to be used. A shame it is, imagine the possibility of having one of these devices in your own home.