Showing posts with label Short Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Short Story. Show all posts

Mango Matt's Disappearance

Matt's supposed disappearance of 1950-1955 is explained...

Mango Matt Returns
Late December of 1950 Matt was no longer to be found in his homeland. At first it was assumed that he was on another of his sojourns, and he would return home soon. However days grew to weeks, weeks to months, and finally months became years without any sign of Matt.

Matt's experiments of hybridizing the Mango tree culminated in the late 1940's with some very substantial results, which he kept secret from the public. However, he did share this information with an extremely interested U.S. Government.

This remarkable botanist had developed a hybrid mango tree that could survive temperature extremes of minus 200 to plus 225 degrees Fahrenheit without the normal air qualities one would expect it to need. Practically a new species, it was named "Mangonomo Matti".

"Mangonomo Matti" had several most interesting qualities. As each tree reached approximately 3 years of age it achieved the ability to moderate the climate in approximately a one acre area. This new micro climate was perfectly suited for human habitation with temperatures varying from 55 to 83 degrees Fahrenheit. A second quality of this mango tree was its ability (achieved at 1-2 years of age) to absorb air that was poisonous to humans and give off excellent oxygen enriched air.

The U.S. Department of Climate Control approached Matt in early 1950 with a request to conduct a secret experiment on the Malamig Island (later renamed Mangolia) in the Arctic Ocean, located several hundred miles north of Point Barrow, Alaska. Malamig Island suffered from temperatures as low as minus 125 degrees Fahrenheit annually, and was uninhabited. Malamig Island covered approximately 92 acres and was completely devoid of vegetation and wildlife.

Information on Matt's secret experiment for the Department of Climate Control has surfaced and Just Another Bipod wishes to share with the world what miracle Matt accomplished.

This information is limited in quantity. December 28, 1950 Matt embarked on the ice cutter USS Northern Enterprise from a secret location in California. This small ship was tightly packed with survival gear for Matt and included 100 of his "Mangonomo Matti" mango tree seedlings. A small log cabin was included for Matt's personal use, as well as a supply of food and fuel.

The ship arrived at Malamig Island January 18th, 1951. The crew stayed long enough to set up Matt's log cabin and offload his supplies. Still unsure of Matt's mission, the crew departed January 22nd, with strict orders to pick Matt up in mid July. A kind hearted crew member left his cell phone for Matt to use.

Matt struggled to get his mango seedlings planted. One would think that planting 100 trees in more than 5 months would be simple. However, the readers must remember that Malimig Island was in the land of permafrost, with the ground permanently frozen to a depth of more than three feet. Before each tree seedling could be planted it was necessary to defrost the earth to a minimum of 18". On a very good day, Matt was able to plant five of these mango tree seedlings.

Yet Matt was able to accomplish his mission ahead of schedule, and by late May of 1951 all the seedlings had been planted, and were adapting quite well to Malamig Island.

Patiently Matt awaited the return of the USS Northern Enterprise, unaware that it had been deployed to the waters off of North Korea and sunk in battle, with the loss of all crew members. In 1954 Matt began to wonder why he had not been picked up yet.
Victorina

At this stage in the hybrid
mango trees development, the climatic control properties of the tree had already changed Malamig Island's micro climate, and Malamig Island was becoming quite a pleasant place. Irregardless of the pleasantness of Malamig Island, Matt began to miss his wife Victorina.

Fearful of roaming charges, Matt had been concerned of using the cellphone given to him by the sailor on the USS Northern Enterprise. However, in the spring of 1955 Matt decided to call the Department of Climate Control to inquire as to when he would be picked up.

Somehow, all records of Matt had been lost by the U.S. Department of Climate Control. Matt explained in his phone call how Malamig Island had been transformed into a semi-tropical paradise.

Unfortunately, Matt's phone call was treated as a prank call by the department.

During lunch, the call taker shared information about this prank caller with his co-workers, and they all were having a good laugh at the thought of a semi-tropical island located north of Alaska.

Major Moustache (Ignacio Burnham Moustache), now acting as a temporary advisor for the Department of Climate Control overheard his friend Mango Matt's name laughingly mentioned at a nearby table. The polite Major inquired as to the nature of the amusement, and was given details as to the phone call.

Smiling knowingly, Major Moustache left the cafeteria and made two phone calls. The first was to Victorina, Mango Matt's wife. The second was to Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln immediately set up a "rescue mission" for his friend Matt. Though not officially a rescue mission, with Abraham Lincoln's authority it was given top priority. A USAF V-3 Seaplane was designated as the retrieve vehicle, based on its speed and carrying capacity. The passengers that were on this flight included Matt's wife (Victorina), Major Moustache, and of course Abraham Lincoln. The V-3 seaplane was piloted by a WWII hero, John F. Kennedy.

Landing on Malamig Bay at 9:17 am on May 17, 1955, the crew and passengers discovered the paradise created by Mango Matt. Abraham Lincoln, Major Moustache and the pilot John F. Kennedy congratulated Matt on a job quite well done.

Returning to the US, Matt was approached by individuals at the newly created NASA. Further details of this meeting will be included at a later date if they lead to any significant event(s).

The Bad Weed

The gardener discovered a new weed in the lettuce section of the garden. At first it is a tiny thing, hardly worth the trouble of removing. Besides, it is sort of cute, in a homely way. The gardener decide not to worry about it, after all, it is a huge garden, and what difference can one tiny weed make? It is in the lettuce section, and heck, the gardener really don't care for lettuce much anyhow.

As time progresses this weed grows bigger and more powerful. Soon the lettuce plants around it begin to wilt and die as this garden weed grows and grows. Perhaps it is time to pull it up. No, that would be a bad idea. If one were to pull it up, the act of dislodging it would kill a few of the surrounding lettuce plants.
Bad Weed

One weekend the gardener goes to the garden and discovers this weed has flowered and gone to seed. The wind blows the seeds throughout your garden. They sprout and begin to grow. Soon they will be just like the original weed, but there will be hundreds of them this time. Oh well, just ignore them, maybe they won't get big and strong anyhow.

Yet they do become big and powerful. These hundreds of new weeds each put out hundreds more seeds each, and these hundreds times hundreds of new plants spread throughout the yard. The good plants struggle to survive this invasion of their area, but to no avail. The weeds kill them pretty much all off.

It appears it is time to do something about this problem. A consultation with the International Society of Plants is needed to receive permission to remove this weed and all the other weeds it has spawned.

The International Society of Plants decides to hold a meeting to discuss this problem. They issue a resolution. It is harshly worded and presented to the original weed. This is the resolution they presented:
It has come to our intention that you may possibly be causing a few problems in your section of the garden. Please stop it, if you don't mind. Thank you very much for your time. Have a nice day.

Your friends,
The International Society of Plants

The gardener wonders if this resolution will work, but being a member of the International Society of Plants, he feels he must go along with their resolution.

The original plant prospers, and learns how to put out secretions that are deadly to all other plants. Gleefully this God of the Plant World (as he has taken to calling himself) experiments and learns of new ways to kill off other plant species that may compete with him for the Kingdom of the Garden.

Many many plants die. This cruel weed takes a perverse pleasure in watching the death of other plants. As his power increases, he has some of his offspring destroyed because he is secretly afraid of them.

One day this self proclaimed God of the Plant World sends some of his offspring into a neighboring garden, because this other garden has land he wants for himself. The gardener notices this, and with a couple of his friends he goes in and rescues the invaded garden. For now, these weeds are pushed back and contained within their original garden.

Years go by, and this weed prospers in this one garden. He grows richer and richer and discovers there are other types of weeds in the world and makes pacts with them. He discovers there are some gardeners that have fertilizer they will trade with him for his riches. These other gardeners are not very clever. They think the God of the Plant World is their buddy.

The good gardener begins to get annoyed with this so called God of the Plant World. He returns to the International Society of Plants to see how their resolution is working. They decide to hold a meeting. At the meeting they decide to contact the weed and request information from him on all the bad things he has. He sends them what he calls a complete list of his bad items. The International Plant Society says okee dokee, we will go to the garden and see these things are removed.

The International Society of Plants pays its inspectors money to make sure these bad things are destroyed. They will continue receiving this money for as long as the job takes. The longer it takes, the more money they will make. The scheming weed only tells the inspectors of his minor tools of destruction. Every now and then the evil weed destroys one of these minor weapons. The International Society of Plants cheerfully announces, "See, he is truly doing as we asked."

One of the bad gardeners laughs and laughs as he hears this claim. He is making much money by supplying the evil weed with supplies it needs to create more destructive items.

The good gardener finally has enough of this evil weed and all its evil companions. He announces he will destroy them before they enter all the gardens of the world.

Other gardeners say "No, this must not happen. After all, this bad weed has not entered any other gardens lately. We must wait until it enters the other gardens and causes much damage. If it ever does that, well, then we will think about doing something about it."

Many children of these other gardeners agree. They get together in large groups and hold rallies. They claim destruction of weeds is a bad thing to do.

One day the good gardener and his own children went into the infested garden with their hoes and dug up all the bad weeds.

The End

Make Your Own Toilet Paper

The Wonderful World of Toilet Paper

"More, more, more!" write the readers. People fascinated by the subject of toilet paper have besieged Just Another Bipod with requests for more informative stuff about toilet paper.

Make your own toilet paper

Amazingly, toilet paper is simple to create, and can be made at home for you do it your self type people at a cost of about 3¢ per roll. It is an ideal beginner's project for first time hobbyists.

In your blender place 3 cups hot water.

Add 5 cups torn newspaper.

Blend on low for 2 minutes.

Add 1 teaspoon flour.

Blend 3 more minutes on low.

Remove container from blender. Spread mix on your sidewalk 3-5" wide (your choice based on personal need). Flatten with spatula to thickness desired. Allow to dry.

Now comes the neat customizing part! Get out your (or your wife's or Mom's) dress pattern thing. You know, that strange wheeled object that gets rolled across the pattern and material. The thing with the sharp bumps every 1/16th of an inch. Roll that rascal across the toilet paper, creating sheets of any length you desire!

That's it! Roll it up and you are ready to go!

Options

Substitute junk mail, bills, credit card applications, etc. for the torn newspaper. Avoid glossy magazine type paper. It is just too slippery to create a usable product.