Major Moustache

Major Moustache

Ignacio Burnham Moustache was a fine inventor. Ignacio was born in Vistiville, Virginia on May 8, 1840. Ignacio's father was a self taught schoolteacher and an inventor.

Ignacio's mother (Melissa Moustache) was the creator of the actual recipe for fried chicken that a certain restaurant chain uses to this day. Perhaps you have eaten Melissa's chicken at one of the Fine Fried Fowl Food restaurants?

Ignacio's childhood was a bit peculiar, he actually enjoyed school! His favorite subjects were arithmetic, science, and biology. His college years were well under way when the Civil War broke out. Ignacio joined the Union Army and, based on his schooling, was immediately made a doctor, with the rank of captain.

Captain I. B. Moustache was in Washington D.C. on April 14, 1864, the day President Lincoln was shot. Captain I. B. Moustache attended to the needs of President Lincoln after the assassination attempt. The Secret Service, fearing further attempts on President's Lincoln's life, publicly announced the death of the beloved President. However, President Abraham Lincoln was still very much alive, thanks to Captain Moustache.

The funeral of President Lincoln was a very elaborate hoax.

I.B. Moustache was promoted to the rank of Major due to his extraordinary abilities that resulted in the saving of President Lincoln's life. Entrusted with the health care of President Lincoln, the two became close friends.

Major Moustache was assigned as permanent doctor/caretaker for Abraham Lincoln and the Secret Service established a permanent secret residence (shown below) for the president.



Abraham Lincoln's Secret House

Slowly, one by one, the press was given reports of various incidents concerning the status of Abraham Lincoln's family. Yet, they did not die or end up in insane asylums, as these reports stated. It was a simple method used to get them out of the public spotlight and reunited with Abraham Lincoln.

As Abraham Lincoln's health continued to improve, Major Moustache found himself with more and more free time on his hands.

Major Moustache was able to spend time with his true love, the inventing of communication devices. Funded and encouraged by the US Army, Major Moustache began work on his most elaborate project. The goal was to create a machine that could process various types of information and send it between army units.

President Lincoln aided Major Moustache in this project. Little is known as to which individual contributed the most.

After several years of concentrated effort, the two gentlemen came up with what is best described as a steam powered computer/internet system. The computer itself was fairly limited by today's standard, but their internet transmission speed was extraordinary. By today's reckoning, transmissions in excess of 5,000 Kbps were reached. Their internet transmission utilized no cables or phone lines,it was a radio wave type transmission.

A major problem with this was that it relied on line of site. The sending and receiving stations needed to be in a direct line of site with each other. Any obstruction such as buildings, mountains, or even the curvature of the earth would block transmission.

Transmission was attempted from the roof of the house, then a nearby hill. Results were disappointing. 20 miles appeared to be the maximum range. This limited range was extremely disappointing to all concerned. The radio wave type transmission utilized had unlimited distance, but only in a straight line.

In an overnight dream, Major I.B. Moustache came up with the thought that perhaps these waves could be reflected off the moon allowing great distances to be achieved.

With a few alterations to the project and home (including the "roof window" seen in the picture) Ignacio and Abraham were able to test this theory. Bouncing the transmissions off the moon increased the possible distance between sending and receiving stations to an incredible range of up to 10,983 miles!

Retiring from the military, Ignacio Burnaham Moustache formed a company called IBM, using his own initials. One would assume that with this greatly expanded operating range this contraption known as "The IBM Extraordinary Thinking and Transmission Device" would be in great demand.

Yet this was not to be. With the invention of the telephone the IBM company was an unwanted business on the marketplace. Folks wanted immediate voice transmission, not a text or image transmission that depended on whether or not the moon was overhead. Sadly, this was an invention that was not to be used. A shame it is, imagine the possibility of having one of these devices in your own home.

The Can Or The Can Opener?

Food fit for a King!

Delicious Stuff

The culinary staff at Just Another Bipod is mighty pleased to present information of gastronomical delight
 
Do you ever wonder or worry about stuff like cans and can openers? Just Another Bipod does, and it was decided to do a bit of research on this.
Why would anyone invented a can without a can opener already being in existence? Then again, why would anyone invent a can opener when there were no cans?

Peter Durand invented cans in 1810. One very noteworthy result of this was that canned food would last a long time. Just Another Bipod concurs. Without can openers anything stored in a can should last a mighty long time.

Canned food continued to accumulate until 1858 when Ezra Warner, possibly near starvation, invented the can opener. Global Honk was unable to discover what was in the first can that he opened. Ezra Warner's can opening device was not quite up to today's standards, but it did the trick.

Good old William Lyman did a bit of improvement on the can opener in 1870. William came up with a bit easier to use can opener. Then in 1925 the "modern" can opener (non-electric) was invented.

First Air Travel Machine

Predates the Wright brothers by decades!

Air Travel Originated in Holland
Continuing with its successful rediscovery of historical information, Global Honk is pleased to share the following information with its readers.

Sources credit Orville and Wilbur Wright with the first self propelled heavier than air craft. Initial test date of this airplane was December 17, 1903, in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Yes, Orville and Wilbur Wright did create an airplane that was improved upon and allowed the development of today's multitude of aircraft

Aero Whosher

However, the historical image to the right displays a much earlier air machine, the Aero Whosher, invented by cousins Annabelle and Louise Aberlott, of Vistillburg, Holland. Based on local reports from Vistillburg, it appears the first flight of this craft took place on October 19, 1847. This first heavier than air powered air flight was airborne for exactly one hour, and covered an estimated 127 miles

After the initial test flight, Annabelle and Louise were frequent fliers, with trips ranging up to thousands of miles. Looked upon by the public as upstart women that didn't know their place in society, their accomplishments have been covered up in all references to air travel inventions

If they had been men this information would have been well publicized. Note how the Aero Whosher has been disguised as a windmill, it's power source removed and destroyed. Sad things happen in this world to continue male domination

The Aero Whosher utilized a unique yeast powered turbine engine containing dual power tanks. Each tank would hold one kilo (2.2 pounds) of yeast, and 5 liters of water, and power the craft for approximately three hours. The tanks were used on an alternate basis, while one tank was powering the craft, the other would be refilled and readied to take over.

The Anti-Light Bulb

In 1878 Thomas Alva Edison invented his prototype of the light bulb. Neat thing, we must admit. Nice to be able to make a dark room almost as bright as daytime

A little known follow up to this was the anti-light bulb, invented by Lars Johanson of Bennett, Wisconsin in 1903. Lars was a shift worker at the Bennett Mining Company, and normally worked the 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. shift. Working night shift, Lars' eyes became extremely light sensitive over the years. Eventually he was able to read a book in the complete absence of light

However, Lars advanced eyesight became a curse to him. He became unable to sleep in the daytime. Light penetrated his eyelids as he attempted sleep in the daytime, and with his eyes closed he was able to see as well as you or I can see with our eyes open. Lars tried numerous ways to control the light reaching his eyes, but to no avail

Lars was a clever fellow, and eventually came up with the anti-light bulb. Not powered by anything, it was a glob of hypernoximity mixed with boric nitrate. Exact percentages of the mix is still unknown. This anti-light bulb was like a magnet to light. A bulb the size of a golfball would last approximately three weeks, and draw in all light from a 2000 cubic foot area

Lars Johanson sold anti-light bulbs to his fellow shift workers and became fairly rich. He was able to quit his mining job in Bennet, Wisconsin

Sales of Lars Johanson's anti-light bulb declined quite a bit after the invention of curtains by Wilhema Snokalost. However, the prudent fellow had taken care to see that his money would last him many years.